Every adviser-student pair is a peculiar dyad. There are times when you (if you are a graduate student) are literally pissed off at your adviser. I have seen a lot of people just mad at their adviser for not such a big reason (at least in my opinion) and more often than not they are not happy. This is what I feel about this extremely important relationship of your life and how you can improve it. It is ironic that this is coming on a day when I am particularly not happy about it :).
The advising relationship is a reciprocal one. As you want your adviser to understand ALL your needs, so does he. There is one thing for sure that advisers like to be appreciated, be it in any manner. This might be as straight forward as personal appreciation, or appreciation of their work, advice among other things or even they might feel appreciated when you do an intense intellectual debate. You need to find that and make sure that you are doing it on a periodic basis. You can do it verbally, a gift or a card or whatever you think is suitable as I mentioned before, you guys are a special pair.
Keep accessing your relationship with your adviser at regular times. I heard in one of those university sessions that these are two major signs that there is some strain in the relationship or it is not as effective:
1. You aren't making any progress in your research/dissertation.
2. You are avoiding him or communications with him.
My personal advice, if you are stuck because of first point, is to have what I call "conflict resolutions meetings". Reconsider your goals rather than both of you just keep defending your position. I think this situation is easier to handle than the second case. Keep out your personal views of him as a person out of your research. And please please don't prejudge him before listening to him completely. I personally have suffered a little because of this. As people say "Silence is golden", it is for sure true in this case. Please give him a chance to explain himself before you start talking, he might rephrase himself and clarify its own meaning. This is also from one of those sessions "Disconnect you self-esteem or ego from the feedback he/she is giving to you".
If second point is the reason behind your ineffective relationship, it is well a very tricky situation. I am yet to find a good solution for this. You can try using a mediator but this might back fire on you as might become more defensive. At this point all I can say is that, you should shed all your baggage (ego, hatred against him etc etc) and try to mend/build a better relationship.
The value of this article for students is only if they recognize the dynamics of their interaction with their adviser. Try to adapt to his expectations for your own benefit. Have happy research times ahead......
The advising relationship is a reciprocal one. As you want your adviser to understand ALL your needs, so does he. There is one thing for sure that advisers like to be appreciated, be it in any manner. This might be as straight forward as personal appreciation, or appreciation of their work, advice among other things or even they might feel appreciated when you do an intense intellectual debate. You need to find that and make sure that you are doing it on a periodic basis. You can do it verbally, a gift or a card or whatever you think is suitable as I mentioned before, you guys are a special pair.
Keep accessing your relationship with your adviser at regular times. I heard in one of those university sessions that these are two major signs that there is some strain in the relationship or it is not as effective:
1. You aren't making any progress in your research/dissertation.
2. You are avoiding him or communications with him.
My personal advice, if you are stuck because of first point, is to have what I call "conflict resolutions meetings". Reconsider your goals rather than both of you just keep defending your position. I think this situation is easier to handle than the second case. Keep out your personal views of him as a person out of your research. And please please don't prejudge him before listening to him completely. I personally have suffered a little because of this. As people say "Silence is golden", it is for sure true in this case. Please give him a chance to explain himself before you start talking, he might rephrase himself and clarify its own meaning. This is also from one of those sessions "Disconnect you self-esteem or ego from the feedback he/she is giving to you".
If second point is the reason behind your ineffective relationship, it is well a very tricky situation. I am yet to find a good solution for this. You can try using a mediator but this might back fire on you as might become more defensive. At this point all I can say is that, you should shed all your baggage (ego, hatred against him etc etc) and try to mend/build a better relationship.
The value of this article for students is only if they recognize the dynamics of their interaction with their adviser. Try to adapt to his expectations for your own benefit. Have happy research times ahead......
No comments:
Post a Comment